Ever since I saw the character Fraiser quote a poem in one of the episodes, I have changed how I approach romance. Essentially. the poem was about how love finds you, not the other way around, and to look for love is futile.
This has proven true for me three times over. I was not expecting to meet the men I fell for, nor was I ready for the emotional reality when it happened - embarrassing behavior mostly forgiven. All I can do is be as ready to see the opportunity for a romance when it happens and be as delicate with people in general as I can as I temper and navigate the emotional changes that inevitably occur.
To equip myself for the next adventure, I have been told I need to be complete unto myself. Many counselors and fashion magazines espouse the idea that being satisfied with life is the most attractive quality a man can have. I would agree that neediness is probably the most unattractive, I've never really gotten past an amazing chest to see if they like their life. Perhaps I'm just shallow.
Following this advice, I have been able to be abnormally social for my historical self since April. I have held conversations with perfect strangers in bars, flirted with unattractive people, hinted to friends that I have no problem with a romance with any of them, and basically made it known I am single and available.
I expanded my social circle with the special interest of social nudism to include an interstate element to my life. My friends in Minneapolis are wonderful men. I recently took a week's vacation to Maryland and met as many of the 350 registrants as I could. I believe I've even befriended a couple of them.
Upon returning from a week I will never forget, I felt emboldened enough to place myself on the dating web-sites. I've even been on a couple of hook-ups to satisfy my desire to live outside my comfort zone. Seeing friends collect dates like pennies, I try to convince myself I could also let loose my restraint and judgment and self-doubt.
Four and a half months of this attempt to view the world differently, because it is different, and still I'm sleeping alone tonight. #sadface
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