Tuesday, May 27, 2014
Monday, May 26, 2014
Compliments
I suppose I'm not an ugly man, by no means hideous nor am I being recruited by some exploitative circus from some Balkan country. I also contend I am not a beautiful nor handsome man. At no time in my 40 years has any magazine photographer ever stopped me on the streets.
If I had a gun to my head, I'd have to admit I'm in the 50th percentile with half of the world's men better looking and the other half deserving of my sympathy.
So when I'm in a bar and a guy compliments me, either on my appearance, my wit, or my nice-ness (personality? What portion of my person is that?), I always secretly wince and assume it is a pick-up line. I'm not attractive, nor funny, nor nice. Surely I've proven that repeatedly over these many years. Possibly, I CAN be any of those for short periods, but none are part of my nature.
This last weekend (well, really only Sunday afternoon) I went to a pool party with my new naked friends in Minnesota. The weather was perfect! Clear sunshine, warm temperatures both of which moderated as the evening came on. The property was perfect! In the boonies, surrounded by Upper Midwest forestry, and at the end of a cul du sac. I want to live there and the host (who seemed slightly inebriated) suggested I could be his handy-man on the property. I know I was indeed drunk because I began to seriously consider the opportunity of becoming someone's pool boy. The afternoon was as near perfect as I can imagine! Nudists have a stereotypical reputation for being friendly and non-judgemental - gay nudists are such in spades.
A friendly gentleman repeatedly commented on my appearance. Often it was to counter a self-deprecating remark but just as often it was unsolicited and again I assumed it was an intimacy builder.
Sit around any gay nudist event and listen to the banter and conversations around you and you will hear nearly everyone flirting. Among gay men it seems to be a way to express affection, just as biting wit and name-calling is used. A man or a woman telling a woman she's "beautiful tonight" is a compliment (especially if the speaker is a friend or spouse). A man telling another man he looks "hot" or "cute" is equally complimentary - and often equally hollow. Among gay nudists it seems almost a sport. These men seem to revel in providing a compliment that garners a reaction, and will say almost anything to almost anyone.
There were several younger-than-me men there this weekend. All were youthfully beautiful, all were probably 2% body fat, and all were with their lovers... save one. All were paid compliments by everyone I heard talking.
One of the members, a regular as far as I can tell and rumored to be a board member (if such a post holds some status), is a notorious flirt. He is half of a romance that I assume is comfortably aged - that's just a vibe I got - and spends as much of his time smirkingly complimenting everyone within his reach. I find him humorous and quietly relish his antics. As a naughty gay man, he enjoys finding the limits of a person's comfort-zone... then presses his dick against it.
Still I hear a hollow echo to these compliments. As fun as some of them are - such as one which is reversed and causes blushing - all are simply a means to an end. They are builders of intimacy, sometimes forced intimacy to overcome some form of anxiety. This is understandable to bar-flies and nudists who have seen the same anxieties so many times for all the same reasons they have simply lost patience. Sometimes it's better to use a sledgehammer to get through it and save everyone some time than tread lightly with someone's feelings.
All this being said, it still seems to work on me. I still accept these compliments and internalize them should they be stated often enough. I am a child of Aldous Huxley, after all.
During my time with my ex, I heard often my positive traits. Some simple validations of my correct-ness during an debate (or argument... eat your heart out breeders, gays admit they're wrong), some were affectionate displays, and others are more intimate than I need to relate here. Perhaps a different blog at some point.
These compliments eventually wore on my staunch sense of self and softened my internal criticisms. My chest isn't THAT similar to a 12-year-old's, my feet aren't freakishly small, and my voice isn't annoyingly nasal. To his credit - he spent years to accomplish this small alteration of my self-image. If nothing else, the man is persistent.
As too, my time with these nudists in the Land of 1,000 Lakes. I'm attempting to convince someone to join me on my adventures. Each, in turn, has backed out of the opportunity for various reasons, but all have claimed shyness as an excuse for reluctance. To these men - as I say now - I've explained that after the first 15 minutes or so of anxiety about the fact that I'm without clothes, I honestly have periods where I forget that I'm at a nudist event. I find myself looking into the face of the person I'm talking to without the urge to slyly glance at my shoes so my eyes pass over their groin. I forget that my dick isn't engorged just enough to be as big as possible without looking like it's an erection. I don't hold my hands in front of me to block anyones' view. Nor am I consciously standing a certain way to accentuate my musculature as best I can. I act as if I'm sitting at any table with anyone holding any other conversation.
The lack of reaction to my physique... or rather negative reaction, has rekindled a cautious confidence. Verbal compliments aside, these men who also neglect to acknowledge their own nudity during a conversation compliment me in ways no words can. I am more than the sum of my parts.
So I reveal a secret here to anyone who reads this public missive: I may, just maybe, look OK.
If I had a gun to my head, I'd have to admit I'm in the 50th percentile with half of the world's men better looking and the other half deserving of my sympathy.
So when I'm in a bar and a guy compliments me, either on my appearance, my wit, or my nice-ness (personality? What portion of my person is that?), I always secretly wince and assume it is a pick-up line. I'm not attractive, nor funny, nor nice. Surely I've proven that repeatedly over these many years. Possibly, I CAN be any of those for short periods, but none are part of my nature.
This last weekend (well, really only Sunday afternoon) I went to a pool party with my new naked friends in Minnesota. The weather was perfect! Clear sunshine, warm temperatures both of which moderated as the evening came on. The property was perfect! In the boonies, surrounded by Upper Midwest forestry, and at the end of a cul du sac. I want to live there and the host (who seemed slightly inebriated) suggested I could be his handy-man on the property. I know I was indeed drunk because I began to seriously consider the opportunity of becoming someone's pool boy. The afternoon was as near perfect as I can imagine! Nudists have a stereotypical reputation for being friendly and non-judgemental - gay nudists are such in spades.
A friendly gentleman repeatedly commented on my appearance. Often it was to counter a self-deprecating remark but just as often it was unsolicited and again I assumed it was an intimacy builder.
Sit around any gay nudist event and listen to the banter and conversations around you and you will hear nearly everyone flirting. Among gay men it seems to be a way to express affection, just as biting wit and name-calling is used. A man or a woman telling a woman she's "beautiful tonight" is a compliment (especially if the speaker is a friend or spouse). A man telling another man he looks "hot" or "cute" is equally complimentary - and often equally hollow. Among gay nudists it seems almost a sport. These men seem to revel in providing a compliment that garners a reaction, and will say almost anything to almost anyone.
There were several younger-than-me men there this weekend. All were youthfully beautiful, all were probably 2% body fat, and all were with their lovers... save one. All were paid compliments by everyone I heard talking.
One of the members, a regular as far as I can tell and rumored to be a board member (if such a post holds some status), is a notorious flirt. He is half of a romance that I assume is comfortably aged - that's just a vibe I got - and spends as much of his time smirkingly complimenting everyone within his reach. I find him humorous and quietly relish his antics. As a naughty gay man, he enjoys finding the limits of a person's comfort-zone... then presses his dick against it.
Still I hear a hollow echo to these compliments. As fun as some of them are - such as one which is reversed and causes blushing - all are simply a means to an end. They are builders of intimacy, sometimes forced intimacy to overcome some form of anxiety. This is understandable to bar-flies and nudists who have seen the same anxieties so many times for all the same reasons they have simply lost patience. Sometimes it's better to use a sledgehammer to get through it and save everyone some time than tread lightly with someone's feelings.
All this being said, it still seems to work on me. I still accept these compliments and internalize them should they be stated often enough. I am a child of Aldous Huxley, after all.
During my time with my ex, I heard often my positive traits. Some simple validations of my correct-ness during an debate (or argument... eat your heart out breeders, gays admit they're wrong), some were affectionate displays, and others are more intimate than I need to relate here. Perhaps a different blog at some point.
These compliments eventually wore on my staunch sense of self and softened my internal criticisms. My chest isn't THAT similar to a 12-year-old's, my feet aren't freakishly small, and my voice isn't annoyingly nasal. To his credit - he spent years to accomplish this small alteration of my self-image. If nothing else, the man is persistent.
As too, my time with these nudists in the Land of 1,000 Lakes. I'm attempting to convince someone to join me on my adventures. Each, in turn, has backed out of the opportunity for various reasons, but all have claimed shyness as an excuse for reluctance. To these men - as I say now - I've explained that after the first 15 minutes or so of anxiety about the fact that I'm without clothes, I honestly have periods where I forget that I'm at a nudist event. I find myself looking into the face of the person I'm talking to without the urge to slyly glance at my shoes so my eyes pass over their groin. I forget that my dick isn't engorged just enough to be as big as possible without looking like it's an erection. I don't hold my hands in front of me to block anyones' view. Nor am I consciously standing a certain way to accentuate my musculature as best I can. I act as if I'm sitting at any table with anyone holding any other conversation.
The lack of reaction to my physique... or rather negative reaction, has rekindled a cautious confidence. Verbal compliments aside, these men who also neglect to acknowledge their own nudity during a conversation compliment me in ways no words can. I am more than the sum of my parts.
So I reveal a secret here to anyone who reads this public missive: I may, just maybe, look OK.
Wednesday, May 21, 2014
Sun Ray Hills
It's almost close by, it's relatively cheap, it has day passes and hiking trails.
It's family friendly and I'm a grumpy old man. Mr. Wilson doesn't like kids and being nude around them is a bit anxiety-ridden contemplation.
To visit or not to visit, that is the question.
It's family friendly and I'm a grumpy old man. Mr. Wilson doesn't like kids and being nude around them is a bit anxiety-ridden contemplation.
To visit or not to visit, that is the question.
Tuesday, May 20, 2014
Offensive vs. Harmful
Naked unless someone is offended.
by Richard Foley
http://www.naktiv.net
Many people, in the clamour to be seen to be politically correct, seem to believe in the principle that you should not do something if somebody will be upset by it. Being naked in a public space, for instance. While at first sight, this might sound a most honorable viewpoint, I'm not sure people have thought it through entirely.
For instance, would you be happy to join a WNBR, where nudity IS accepted, and then during the course of the ride if some one person was upset at seeing naked people, you would immediately get dressed?
If so, this seems to me to be the very problem with society today (and maybe forever). If we only ever accept a situation on the basis that nobody (pun intended) will ever be upset, then we should bring back racial segregation because somebody is upset that there are blacks on their side of the street. We should also deny women the vote because someone might be upset, (at least half the population of Appenzell in Switzerland), that women should have any say in the running of the country. We should make gay people illegal (wtf! eh?) because somebody doesn't like gay people, or is upset by the idea of somebody being gay, or is "offended" by the very thought. Etc. etc. etc.
As Bertrand Russell famously said in a letter to The Times: "In a democracy it is necessary that people should learn to endure having their sentiments outraged ..."
True then, true today!
"Naked Unless Someone is Harmed"
Ideally, in the US, no law can be enacted unless the public can prove a behavior can, has, or will harm another. The abortion debate is all about whether the fetus can be harmed or if the mother can be harmed - from both sides of the issue. Gay marriage, gerrymandering, minimum wage, voter-ID laws, deficit spending, foreign relations, income tax reforms, immigration reforms... its all about who is potentially harmed by the legislation produced by the majority. Gay marriage is a prime example of a majority harming the minority with bans and the courts ruling to restrict the power of the majority.
The majority of the public are not nudists - or at least not social nudists. Yet we have laws banning nudity as obscene. Obscene (as I noticed my spell check corrected to include the root "scene") has a history thus: http://www.etymonline.com/index.php?term=obscene
I also had to have Google define "prurient" for me: https://www.google.com/search?q=prurient&oq=prurient&aqs=chrome..69i57&sourceid=chrome&es_sm=93&ie=UTF-8#q=define+prurient
So I summarize that obscene is linked to "sexual" and if a "work" has no literary, artistic, political, or scientific value it can be deemed obscene. Being nude in public - or within view of the public, such as through the window of my home - has no literary value I can argue, nor artistic unless I stretch MY definition of art for those who have tattoos, piercings, or other modifications, nor scientific as my body is too normal to be medically relevant.
However, it is the political value that I zeroed in on. Denying my ability to dress as I please potentially harms me as it denies my Right to Free Speech and places restrictions on my activities or expression. Should my expression be intentionally sexual, then I could see the trier ruling against me - though that could be another conversation. However, almost every nudist I've met in person or on-line contends a non-sexual motivation for their clothes-free choices. So, as long as I claim non-prurient intentions and make no display "obviously" sexual then I have political value to my nudity. Any restriction goes against precedent mentioned on etymonline.com and I can claim harm.
The religious and parents also claim harm by viewing my nudity. They would have equal justification in the political realm. Sexualizing (as may happen without proper contextual explanation by the parents) children is illegal for obvious reasons - if not so obvious, I would be happy to provide instruction at another time. However, if simple nudity were akin to sexualizing children then a child witnessing their parent's nudity within the home would be equivalent to abuse and no nudist resort would be allowed to admit children.
Religious observance within an impartial state is enshrined in our very founding (ideally). To not provide some measure of shared observance the state loses it impartiality. However, many aspects of dogma are ignored by the state. Some people work the Sabbath as we are allowed to eat beef on Fridays and pork at any time we choose.
So again we are faced with quantifying harm. Is the majority viewing nudity harmed more than the minority banned from expressing nudity in the public sphere or vice versa? Simple offense examined by Richard in his blog seems to be no more complex than the political value I examine here. There seems to be no ideal nor legal precedent for modern nudity laws other than social inertia. Simply because current social standards applied by the average person include covered genitals at all times within the public spaces, and have been for generations, no judge would side with my argument. I would have to prove I am more grievously harmed than a simple loss of expression - as I am not allowed to burn the flag either.
Just because something is common doesn't make it right nor is an unexamined life worth living.
by Richard Foley
http://www.naktiv.net
Many people, in the clamour to be seen to be politically correct, seem to believe in the principle that you should not do something if somebody will be upset by it. Being naked in a public space, for instance. While at first sight, this might sound a most honorable viewpoint, I'm not sure people have thought it through entirely.
For instance, would you be happy to join a WNBR, where nudity IS accepted, and then during the course of the ride if some one person was upset at seeing naked people, you would immediately get dressed?
If so, this seems to me to be the very problem with society today (and maybe forever). If we only ever accept a situation on the basis that nobody (pun intended) will ever be upset, then we should bring back racial segregation because somebody is upset that there are blacks on their side of the street. We should also deny women the vote because someone might be upset, (at least half the population of Appenzell in Switzerland), that women should have any say in the running of the country. We should make gay people illegal (wtf! eh?) because somebody doesn't like gay people, or is upset by the idea of somebody being gay, or is "offended" by the very thought. Etc. etc. etc.
As Bertrand Russell famously said in a letter to The Times: "In a democracy it is necessary that people should learn to endure having their sentiments outraged ..."
True then, true today!
"Naked Unless Someone is Harmed"
Ideally, in the US, no law can be enacted unless the public can prove a behavior can, has, or will harm another. The abortion debate is all about whether the fetus can be harmed or if the mother can be harmed - from both sides of the issue. Gay marriage, gerrymandering, minimum wage, voter-ID laws, deficit spending, foreign relations, income tax reforms, immigration reforms... its all about who is potentially harmed by the legislation produced by the majority. Gay marriage is a prime example of a majority harming the minority with bans and the courts ruling to restrict the power of the majority.
The majority of the public are not nudists - or at least not social nudists. Yet we have laws banning nudity as obscene. Obscene (as I noticed my spell check corrected to include the root "scene") has a history thus: http://www.etymonline.com/index.php?term=obscene
I also had to have Google define "prurient" for me: https://www.google.com/search?q=prurient&oq=prurient&aqs=chrome..69i57&sourceid=chrome&es_sm=93&ie=UTF-8#q=define+prurient
So I summarize that obscene is linked to "sexual" and if a "work" has no literary, artistic, political, or scientific value it can be deemed obscene. Being nude in public - or within view of the public, such as through the window of my home - has no literary value I can argue, nor artistic unless I stretch MY definition of art for those who have tattoos, piercings, or other modifications, nor scientific as my body is too normal to be medically relevant.
However, it is the political value that I zeroed in on. Denying my ability to dress as I please potentially harms me as it denies my Right to Free Speech and places restrictions on my activities or expression. Should my expression be intentionally sexual, then I could see the trier ruling against me - though that could be another conversation. However, almost every nudist I've met in person or on-line contends a non-sexual motivation for their clothes-free choices. So, as long as I claim non-prurient intentions and make no display "obviously" sexual then I have political value to my nudity. Any restriction goes against precedent mentioned on etymonline.com and I can claim harm.
The religious and parents also claim harm by viewing my nudity. They would have equal justification in the political realm. Sexualizing (as may happen without proper contextual explanation by the parents) children is illegal for obvious reasons - if not so obvious, I would be happy to provide instruction at another time. However, if simple nudity were akin to sexualizing children then a child witnessing their parent's nudity within the home would be equivalent to abuse and no nudist resort would be allowed to admit children.
Religious observance within an impartial state is enshrined in our very founding (ideally). To not provide some measure of shared observance the state loses it impartiality. However, many aspects of dogma are ignored by the state. Some people work the Sabbath as we are allowed to eat beef on Fridays and pork at any time we choose.
So again we are faced with quantifying harm. Is the majority viewing nudity harmed more than the minority banned from expressing nudity in the public sphere or vice versa? Simple offense examined by Richard in his blog seems to be no more complex than the political value I examine here. There seems to be no ideal nor legal precedent for modern nudity laws other than social inertia. Simply because current social standards applied by the average person include covered genitals at all times within the public spaces, and have been for generations, no judge would side with my argument. I would have to prove I am more grievously harmed than a simple loss of expression - as I am not allowed to burn the flag either.
Just because something is common doesn't make it right nor is an unexamined life worth living.
Sunday, May 18, 2014
De-confident
I got ditched last night!
Now, I realize I'm not a prize catch. I realize I'm not the prettiest boy in the room... hell, I'm no where near a boy anymore. I also realize that my socialization skills are lacking in comparison to many of the other people in the bar. However, I didn't realize I was so repugnant as it be allowed to ignore me all together.
An acquaintance of mine came to town, an occasion I secretly have been waiting for. The news of him bringing a guest with him was unsettling enough, but to learn this guest was to be a STRAIGHT WOMAN knocked me out of the chair. Oh, well. I can be nice to the lady, yes? My plans to continue my astounding charm offensive to impart upon this man my intense and constant worth as a future husband should not be daunted by the presence of a mere woman who would quickly learn my attentions were not for her.
Upon our first meeting he made passing complaint of a former lover who annoyed him greatly with attentions bordering on stalking. I decided instantly to play my hand cool, aloof, and dispassionate. This worked well for me and happy fun times ensued.
My angst phone-side over the intervening period was kept secret and again I played up dispassion upon learning of his imminent return. Again this worked to my advantage and happy fun times re-ensued. Still I was no closer to impressing upon him my worth.
Struggling to accept our acquaintance for its current state I volunteered to join the duo for a night of frivolity and debauchery. Much inebriation occurred, costumes were purchased, and innuendo was freely spoken. I worked to be supportive of his socializing, worked to be patient and unconcerned of the potential rivals to my object of desire, and worked especially hard at ingratiating myself to the trusted adviser he brought with him.
Apparently all of my performances were for naught for as the night drew to a close and my hopes for an extended stay in his bed reached a peak I spied the duo leave the bar without so much as a "we're leaving."
At first, I assumed secrets were to be shared away from ever-present ears assumed by only those in high school and the intoxicated. I waited for a few minutes and was distracted by a conversation for a short period.
Next I assumed they retired to a bar next-door to chase down a romance for said lady, though she had stated quite clearly earlier she was not in any mood for such dalliance. I waited - awkwardly - alone, for about an hour before I seriously considered the idea I was truly alone.
My bemused BFF irritated with his mirth at my plight yet quickly sobered to my dejection. He counseled me on the realities of my acquaintance-ship and reminded me of the quixotic behaviors of the muddled. I decided I could not make the assumption of rudeness and retire solitary to my slumber without lapsing rude myself. An obviously searching expression would deter any poor judgement of my entry into the breeder's establishment and facilitate my determination of current events.
As is obvious, no duo with which I was related frequented THAT bar when I entered.
I could only conclude I had been abandoned - which unleashed a myriad reasons which would explain events as I have recounted.
My search for an explanation during our cumulative hang-overs went unanswered and surely now the duo has returned to their homes apparently unabashed. I have lost more dignity than I can quantify and feel ashamed of not only my behavior but my fantasies.
Looking toward this coming weekend I am hard-pressed to see myself charming and graceful at a pool-party for naked men. I am emotionally wounded and find it difficult to be vulnerable, yet I'm to prepare for a situation where I plan to be as physically vulnerable as is possible outside violence.
Considering the welcome I received at my last visit with these men, perhaps my plans are my panacea.
Woe be the man who returns home in June failing to find solace or he who compounds his shame... but let's be optimistic.
Now, I realize I'm not a prize catch. I realize I'm not the prettiest boy in the room... hell, I'm no where near a boy anymore. I also realize that my socialization skills are lacking in comparison to many of the other people in the bar. However, I didn't realize I was so repugnant as it be allowed to ignore me all together.
An acquaintance of mine came to town, an occasion I secretly have been waiting for. The news of him bringing a guest with him was unsettling enough, but to learn this guest was to be a STRAIGHT WOMAN knocked me out of the chair. Oh, well. I can be nice to the lady, yes? My plans to continue my astounding charm offensive to impart upon this man my intense and constant worth as a future husband should not be daunted by the presence of a mere woman who would quickly learn my attentions were not for her.
Upon our first meeting he made passing complaint of a former lover who annoyed him greatly with attentions bordering on stalking. I decided instantly to play my hand cool, aloof, and dispassionate. This worked well for me and happy fun times ensued.
My angst phone-side over the intervening period was kept secret and again I played up dispassion upon learning of his imminent return. Again this worked to my advantage and happy fun times re-ensued. Still I was no closer to impressing upon him my worth.
Struggling to accept our acquaintance for its current state I volunteered to join the duo for a night of frivolity and debauchery. Much inebriation occurred, costumes were purchased, and innuendo was freely spoken. I worked to be supportive of his socializing, worked to be patient and unconcerned of the potential rivals to my object of desire, and worked especially hard at ingratiating myself to the trusted adviser he brought with him.
Apparently all of my performances were for naught for as the night drew to a close and my hopes for an extended stay in his bed reached a peak I spied the duo leave the bar without so much as a "we're leaving."
At first, I assumed secrets were to be shared away from ever-present ears assumed by only those in high school and the intoxicated. I waited for a few minutes and was distracted by a conversation for a short period.
Next I assumed they retired to a bar next-door to chase down a romance for said lady, though she had stated quite clearly earlier she was not in any mood for such dalliance. I waited - awkwardly - alone, for about an hour before I seriously considered the idea I was truly alone.
My bemused BFF irritated with his mirth at my plight yet quickly sobered to my dejection. He counseled me on the realities of my acquaintance-ship and reminded me of the quixotic behaviors of the muddled. I decided I could not make the assumption of rudeness and retire solitary to my slumber without lapsing rude myself. An obviously searching expression would deter any poor judgement of my entry into the breeder's establishment and facilitate my determination of current events.
As is obvious, no duo with which I was related frequented THAT bar when I entered.
I could only conclude I had been abandoned - which unleashed a myriad reasons which would explain events as I have recounted.
My search for an explanation during our cumulative hang-overs went unanswered and surely now the duo has returned to their homes apparently unabashed. I have lost more dignity than I can quantify and feel ashamed of not only my behavior but my fantasies.
Looking toward this coming weekend I am hard-pressed to see myself charming and graceful at a pool-party for naked men. I am emotionally wounded and find it difficult to be vulnerable, yet I'm to prepare for a situation where I plan to be as physically vulnerable as is possible outside violence.
Considering the welcome I received at my last visit with these men, perhaps my plans are my panacea.
Woe be the man who returns home in June failing to find solace or he who compounds his shame... but let's be optimistic.
Friday, May 16, 2014
Anticipation
Just one more week of work (after this weekend) until the Memorial Day three day holiday. Just forty more hours of labor before I can join my new friends in a little suburb of Minneapolis in an afternoon of hot-tubbin' and skinny-dippin'. Just one more week before I can reconnect with men I've only barely begun to know.
I was chatting last night with one of these men. My generous host for the evening of board-games and soup. After some general discussion of weather and other news (we take our weather very seriously here) I asked him if he was planning to attend the pool party.
I was astonished to hear he had other plans. He is going to travel four hours north-west of the city to attend a camp-out-style weekend with a small group of other men. My reaction unsettled me a little bit.
I actually considered cancelling my trip just because he would not be there. I so long for the comfort of a familiar face that upon hearing he wouldn't be there I almost chickened out. This, after boldly attending the game night knowing nary a soul.
I wondered aloud (quite difficult when instant messaging across two hundred and eighty miles of Great North Woods) if I should join him at the camp-out. After hearing just how far I'd have to drive to get there (say nothing of the return trip) I realized my foolishness.
Surely there will be other men I'd met at the game night going to the pool party. I was introduced to them all and chatted briefly with several and a few for more than an hour. Remembering names is a personal failing, but I'll recognize them when I see them again. I'm certain I'll bond with one or two, probably the hosts since they will be especially engaging to ensure everyone is enjoying themselves.
Presently, I'm lining up a couple of nights of debauchery with local people or, in one case, a man who is driving in from his hometown. First up is to attend one of the bar's Friday-fish as is customarily served here. (A quasi-Catholic observance that has less to do with doctrine and more to do with the price of a plate of perch.)
I was chatting last night with one of these men. My generous host for the evening of board-games and soup. After some general discussion of weather and other news (we take our weather very seriously here) I asked him if he was planning to attend the pool party.
I was astonished to hear he had other plans. He is going to travel four hours north-west of the city to attend a camp-out-style weekend with a small group of other men. My reaction unsettled me a little bit.
I actually considered cancelling my trip just because he would not be there. I so long for the comfort of a familiar face that upon hearing he wouldn't be there I almost chickened out. This, after boldly attending the game night knowing nary a soul.
I wondered aloud (quite difficult when instant messaging across two hundred and eighty miles of Great North Woods) if I should join him at the camp-out. After hearing just how far I'd have to drive to get there (say nothing of the return trip) I realized my foolishness.
Surely there will be other men I'd met at the game night going to the pool party. I was introduced to them all and chatted briefly with several and a few for more than an hour. Remembering names is a personal failing, but I'll recognize them when I see them again. I'm certain I'll bond with one or two, probably the hosts since they will be especially engaging to ensure everyone is enjoying themselves.
Presently, I'm lining up a couple of nights of debauchery with local people or, in one case, a man who is driving in from his hometown. First up is to attend one of the bar's Friday-fish as is customarily served here. (A quasi-Catholic observance that has less to do with doctrine and more to do with the price of a plate of perch.)
Tuesday, May 13, 2014
Comments Wanted
I'm getting a little excited by the mere fact that I have people viewing my little missive. Granted these few words are not important to anyone in the course of history, but I go gain some enjoyment in composing them and then publishing my gibberings to an audience. The fact that I apparently have an audience is a bit astonishing, though I chalk that up to random web searches for porn and cat videos that happen across someone's screen and received an accidental tap from overly-sensitive display.
This may sound absurdly humble and you may well dismiss it as posturing. However, I assure you, I am just that humble when it comes to my ability to write. There are teen-agers with better grammar and I've heard some all-time best one-liners come from the mouths of babes.
I have considered posting more of my material to this web address, under a different page... or blog or whatever is the technical term. I am reticent, however, because my fiction is far more personal. It leaves me more vulnerable than my simple ramblings of events during the course of my days. I know these events to be true, believe them or not; but my fiction... well, now it is my duty as an author to convince you (however tentatively) that those events are also real. To fail at that task would prove my inability to write. And so I withhold my other creations from an audience out of fear of verification.
What would possibly change my mind is some feedback from readers. Please, if you read a post, leave a comment. If my writing sucks, tell me; but please be specific lest I have nothing with which to improve. If you like what I've laid bare here, that also would be helpful. Most of all, simply leaving a mark upon these pages would show your interest. It will take effort to leave a message for me, so I will be grateful for the effort you've made. That alone will validate my efforts.
Mostly I would just like to know who's reading. Are the "page views" really mis-taken links or have you really ended up here on purpose?
This may sound absurdly humble and you may well dismiss it as posturing. However, I assure you, I am just that humble when it comes to my ability to write. There are teen-agers with better grammar and I've heard some all-time best one-liners come from the mouths of babes.
I have considered posting more of my material to this web address, under a different page... or blog or whatever is the technical term. I am reticent, however, because my fiction is far more personal. It leaves me more vulnerable than my simple ramblings of events during the course of my days. I know these events to be true, believe them or not; but my fiction... well, now it is my duty as an author to convince you (however tentatively) that those events are also real. To fail at that task would prove my inability to write. And so I withhold my other creations from an audience out of fear of verification.
What would possibly change my mind is some feedback from readers. Please, if you read a post, leave a comment. If my writing sucks, tell me; but please be specific lest I have nothing with which to improve. If you like what I've laid bare here, that also would be helpful. Most of all, simply leaving a mark upon these pages would show your interest. It will take effort to leave a message for me, so I will be grateful for the effort you've made. That alone will validate my efforts.
Mostly I would just like to know who's reading. Are the "page views" really mis-taken links or have you really ended up here on purpose?
Monday, May 12, 2014
Outdoors and Exposed
I've RSVP'd the group in Minneapolis to join them over the Memorial Day weekend. This event will center around the hot tub (probably since the swimming pool will most likely be too cold so early in the season).
Sitting around someone's living-room with a bunch of naked men is one thing, of which I've fussed over prior, but this event is to be outdoors. I long to feel the air on my skin and the sun on my body... assuming it'll be sunny, but I still have concerns about "public view."
As with the first time joining these men, I will simply mull over my foreseeable options before I go - some of them here - and then simply throw caution to the wind.
My guess is not everyone will be outside and the host will have opened his house to us all, without erecting velvet ropes or locking doors, and if I choose I can stay inside. And I will should the fencing or the greenery around the property doesn't eliminate the chance of being seen by someone who would complain. Worse, by someone for whom it is illegal for me to be exposed within site of... so bad the consequences that I write even more poorly than usual just thinking about it.
Sitting around someone's living-room with a bunch of naked men is one thing, of which I've fussed over prior, but this event is to be outdoors. I long to feel the air on my skin and the sun on my body... assuming it'll be sunny, but I still have concerns about "public view."
As with the first time joining these men, I will simply mull over my foreseeable options before I go - some of them here - and then simply throw caution to the wind.
My guess is not everyone will be outside and the host will have opened his house to us all, without erecting velvet ropes or locking doors, and if I choose I can stay inside. And I will should the fencing or the greenery around the property doesn't eliminate the chance of being seen by someone who would complain. Worse, by someone for whom it is illegal for me to be exposed within site of... so bad the consequences that I write even more poorly than usual just thinking about it.
Wednesday, May 7, 2014
Puzzled
A post on a nudist site today got me to thinking, a rare event.
I'm a nudist, meaning I prefer to lounge without clothing. Clothing at work is essential since the temperature is not optimal. Clothing while shopping is essential since social norms suggest I don gay apparel. Clothing while in public view is essential due to current laws.
I'm a social nudist, meaning I enjoy my time with other naked men... sexually or otherwise. I prefer sexual nudity, but I'm happy just hanging out with other nude men. Haven't puzzled out why I'm attracted to the activity just yet... working on it. I could associate nudity with sex and feel a sense of arousal and am denying it. I could just enjoy the rebellion of the situation and haven't yet made the link in my brain. Whatever the reason for my enjoyment, I intend to pursue it.
The interesting post mentioned a person's sense of privacy. That's psychologically a control thing; I want to control knowledge of others about what I consider "private" information. I tell people my secrets, or choose not to.
I am a nudist who feels no need to announce it. I consider my nudism a hobby and considering it's eccentric nature consider the activity a private one. Yet I'm a social nudist. I intend to get nude this summer in various locals where I can be viewed by others. Granted, due to the laws, these will be others who have agreed to witness my nudity rather than the general public who have not given such permission.
So I am a hypocrite. I consider being nude in public a private activity and want to control the spread of that knowledge. Worse, I've started this public blog discussing this private activity. I don't necessarily share the address to everyone. In fact, I've only shared the address with a relative few. Yet anyone may access, read, and comment on the site. Anyone can know.
I've yet to divine this hypocrisy and resolve it. Eventually, surely I will understand my own mind on the issue and alter my behavior accordingly. Perhaps I'll join the activists in broadening the public's understanding and acceptance of nudity. Perhaps I'll stop this blog, delete as much as Google will allow, and abandon all public nudity. Perhaps I'll simply accept my hypocrisy as yet another conundrum of my personality and carry on without resolution.
I'm a nudist, meaning I prefer to lounge without clothing. Clothing at work is essential since the temperature is not optimal. Clothing while shopping is essential since social norms suggest I don gay apparel. Clothing while in public view is essential due to current laws.
I'm a social nudist, meaning I enjoy my time with other naked men... sexually or otherwise. I prefer sexual nudity, but I'm happy just hanging out with other nude men. Haven't puzzled out why I'm attracted to the activity just yet... working on it. I could associate nudity with sex and feel a sense of arousal and am denying it. I could just enjoy the rebellion of the situation and haven't yet made the link in my brain. Whatever the reason for my enjoyment, I intend to pursue it.
The interesting post mentioned a person's sense of privacy. That's psychologically a control thing; I want to control knowledge of others about what I consider "private" information. I tell people my secrets, or choose not to.
I am a nudist who feels no need to announce it. I consider my nudism a hobby and considering it's eccentric nature consider the activity a private one. Yet I'm a social nudist. I intend to get nude this summer in various locals where I can be viewed by others. Granted, due to the laws, these will be others who have agreed to witness my nudity rather than the general public who have not given such permission.
So I am a hypocrite. I consider being nude in public a private activity and want to control the spread of that knowledge. Worse, I've started this public blog discussing this private activity. I don't necessarily share the address to everyone. In fact, I've only shared the address with a relative few. Yet anyone may access, read, and comment on the site. Anyone can know.
I've yet to divine this hypocrisy and resolve it. Eventually, surely I will understand my own mind on the issue and alter my behavior accordingly. Perhaps I'll join the activists in broadening the public's understanding and acceptance of nudity. Perhaps I'll stop this blog, delete as much as Google will allow, and abandon all public nudity. Perhaps I'll simply accept my hypocrisy as yet another conundrum of my personality and carry on without resolution.
Sunday, May 4, 2014
Idealism
Many of the naturist sites I've been on recently have revealed a theme: the human body is beautiful but not inherently arousing and we should look to the personality within before judging anyone's true beauty.
While this is the same advice espoused by my therapist, I find I tend to disagree.
My primitive ancestors didn't stand up on the African savanna to be better able to divine another's true nature. They stood up to see over the grasses.
While I would agree that the sense of smell is quite possibly our foremost erotic sense, sight is primarily how people gather information. I see a red light, I stop. I see a ball hurtling toward my head, I duck. I see a symmetrically built and featured man across a room, I'm attracted.
I can't possibly know anyone's personality based on sight alone. Yeah, I can tell loads by their non-verbal communication. A man dressed in office attire or youthful-urban fashions tells me immediately what kind of person they want me to think they are. Uniforms are important since they communicate massive amounts of information without having to explain oneself, this is why employers almost always have a dress-code. No CPA wants his/her receptionist wearing a hoodie.
Movement and posture are also huge. A man standing, favoring one leg, and waving his hands about without using his shoulder tells me something about the temperature of his flame. Whereas a man standing erect, his feet shoulder-width apart, with his groin thrust forward tells me something about his self-image and his psychological assertions toward manhood and a man-image.
All of these cultural mannerisms could prove false. Socializing in probably 50% acting anyway and most of us adhere to cultural norms whether we agree with them or not. The most feminist supporting man in America still has a problem with being a stay-at-home Dad and most employers (male and female) still expect every man to be at work during all scheduled hours... even if they have children.
So, while it's nice and lovely to preach a doctrine of personality-based attraction, in reality sight is the first and most powerful attractor. The young and the beautiful still have more friends - which helps them learn how to socialize more effectively, which helps them gain more friends, which is good practice for developing friendships, which gains them more friends...
I've heard this same argument from some of the more kinky elements of the Gay Community. Enjoying leather or pig play shouldn't matter to the neighbors, yet it does when one's attire advertises such bedroom activities. Weird is weird, and while it may say nothing about a person's generosity or kindness, it still carries a stigma. Sons of Anarchy isn't a show about Harley riding philanthropists. Stereotypes matter and changing them, while noble, is still an arduous endeavor and needs to take the stereotype into account whilst endeavoring.
Conclusion: Yes, once I cross the room and begin a conversation with a hottie wearing the nylon t-shirt clinging to his solid muscles I will begin to assess his personality and make cost/reward analyses concerning my time and effort. If he's a raving racist or just plain stupid then perhaps I'll privately enjoy the fantasy some other time. If he lights up and turns his attention like a laser toward me, then maybe something wonderful could develop should our interests and world-views happen to coincide or complement each other. However, it was the physical image that I first noticed.
While this is the same advice espoused by my therapist, I find I tend to disagree.
My primitive ancestors didn't stand up on the African savanna to be better able to divine another's true nature. They stood up to see over the grasses.
While I would agree that the sense of smell is quite possibly our foremost erotic sense, sight is primarily how people gather information. I see a red light, I stop. I see a ball hurtling toward my head, I duck. I see a symmetrically built and featured man across a room, I'm attracted.
I can't possibly know anyone's personality based on sight alone. Yeah, I can tell loads by their non-verbal communication. A man dressed in office attire or youthful-urban fashions tells me immediately what kind of person they want me to think they are. Uniforms are important since they communicate massive amounts of information without having to explain oneself, this is why employers almost always have a dress-code. No CPA wants his/her receptionist wearing a hoodie.
Movement and posture are also huge. A man standing, favoring one leg, and waving his hands about without using his shoulder tells me something about the temperature of his flame. Whereas a man standing erect, his feet shoulder-width apart, with his groin thrust forward tells me something about his self-image and his psychological assertions toward manhood and a man-image.
All of these cultural mannerisms could prove false. Socializing in probably 50% acting anyway and most of us adhere to cultural norms whether we agree with them or not. The most feminist supporting man in America still has a problem with being a stay-at-home Dad and most employers (male and female) still expect every man to be at work during all scheduled hours... even if they have children.
So, while it's nice and lovely to preach a doctrine of personality-based attraction, in reality sight is the first and most powerful attractor. The young and the beautiful still have more friends - which helps them learn how to socialize more effectively, which helps them gain more friends, which is good practice for developing friendships, which gains them more friends...
I've heard this same argument from some of the more kinky elements of the Gay Community. Enjoying leather or pig play shouldn't matter to the neighbors, yet it does when one's attire advertises such bedroom activities. Weird is weird, and while it may say nothing about a person's generosity or kindness, it still carries a stigma. Sons of Anarchy isn't a show about Harley riding philanthropists. Stereotypes matter and changing them, while noble, is still an arduous endeavor and needs to take the stereotype into account whilst endeavoring.
Conclusion: Yes, once I cross the room and begin a conversation with a hottie wearing the nylon t-shirt clinging to his solid muscles I will begin to assess his personality and make cost/reward analyses concerning my time and effort. If he's a raving racist or just plain stupid then perhaps I'll privately enjoy the fantasy some other time. If he lights up and turns his attention like a laser toward me, then maybe something wonderful could develop should our interests and world-views happen to coincide or complement each other. However, it was the physical image that I first noticed.
Thursday, May 1, 2014
Digital Community
So, suddenly, everybody is a nudist. Apparently, most of my friends are naked most of the time they are alone. No shock there, yet where were they when I mentioned it ages ago. I've commented to all of them, at some point or another, that I'm not a fan of clothes; that winter irritates me because of all the bulky clothes; that I spend most of my time at home nude. Each and every one of them let the comment pass without an encouraging response. Only recently, after I was invited to a hot tub for some sexy-time (an event gone unfulfilled for reasons not pertinent here), did my friend tell me he too spends much of his morning and various hot tub times nude. Forty years before I heard of this from someone I actually know.
Now that I'm on the internet I have become a member of several social-media sites either advertised as nudist or is a gathering of predominately nude individuals. Some sites are mastered by those who love to practice the fine art of cyber-sex, others are for rookies interested in trading in amateur porn - namely, selfies. Almost all seem to be filled with people who already know each other... and live in California or Florida. Also, out of thousands of members, only a handful are ever on-line at any one time. This seems odd to me since my connection is on whether I'm here or not, still it seems I'm still the wall flower.
One site I found only recently. If you think I'm gonna tell you what it is, yer crazy! This meandering of my mind is public and any asshole can read it. I don't want just any asshole mucking about on the website I'm about to describe. I prefer only the assholes I like. So if you've found this page by simply surfing for all things sexy, well not only are you now disappointed, but you'll go no further with your surfing. Please back-track and troll someone else.
Wow, digression! This site is populated by nudists with a bend toward naturism. The difference being, in my mind, between those who enjoy nudity (gain pleasure or suffer less due to clothes) and those who feel a moral obligation to live as closely to a "natural" state as possible. Naturists are more likely to espouse organic farming, for instance, while nudists talk about using the microwave because the hot liquids don't spatter.
The site is open internationally and so I see lots of posts when I wake up telling the community "good night." There are plenty of users in the usual places - not the Upper Midwest. The admin group is concerned with keeping the site spam and bot free. There is a verification process to prove you're people and also a nudist. Gotta take a couple more selfies now. I really need a friend who's good with a camera and can get some candids, but none of my physical friends really want to hang out naked... or be around me while I'm naked. Pity, me naked is great for everyone else's self-esteem.
Still, after my warning from Facebook about harassing people I don't already know with friend requests, I am hesitant to ask the people who post there for a more intimate digital relationship. I'm now unsure of the proper etiquette or how to go about gaining acquaintances who are amenable to such a request. Ah well, perhaps some boldness is required. Still, this site matters more to me than many of the others (I am a member of about a dozen social media sites and have multiple windows open at any given time to monitor the trickle of activity that may mention my name), and so I would not like to irritate the other members to the point of getting revoked... or worse, ignored.
Now that I'm on the internet I have become a member of several social-media sites either advertised as nudist or is a gathering of predominately nude individuals. Some sites are mastered by those who love to practice the fine art of cyber-sex, others are for rookies interested in trading in amateur porn - namely, selfies. Almost all seem to be filled with people who already know each other... and live in California or Florida. Also, out of thousands of members, only a handful are ever on-line at any one time. This seems odd to me since my connection is on whether I'm here or not, still it seems I'm still the wall flower.
One site I found only recently. If you think I'm gonna tell you what it is, yer crazy! This meandering of my mind is public and any asshole can read it. I don't want just any asshole mucking about on the website I'm about to describe. I prefer only the assholes I like. So if you've found this page by simply surfing for all things sexy, well not only are you now disappointed, but you'll go no further with your surfing. Please back-track and troll someone else.
Wow, digression! This site is populated by nudists with a bend toward naturism. The difference being, in my mind, between those who enjoy nudity (gain pleasure or suffer less due to clothes) and those who feel a moral obligation to live as closely to a "natural" state as possible. Naturists are more likely to espouse organic farming, for instance, while nudists talk about using the microwave because the hot liquids don't spatter.
The site is open internationally and so I see lots of posts when I wake up telling the community "good night." There are plenty of users in the usual places - not the Upper Midwest. The admin group is concerned with keeping the site spam and bot free. There is a verification process to prove you're people and also a nudist. Gotta take a couple more selfies now. I really need a friend who's good with a camera and can get some candids, but none of my physical friends really want to hang out naked... or be around me while I'm naked. Pity, me naked is great for everyone else's self-esteem.
Still, after my warning from Facebook about harassing people I don't already know with friend requests, I am hesitant to ask the people who post there for a more intimate digital relationship. I'm now unsure of the proper etiquette or how to go about gaining acquaintances who are amenable to such a request. Ah well, perhaps some boldness is required. Still, this site matters more to me than many of the others (I am a member of about a dozen social media sites and have multiple windows open at any given time to monitor the trickle of activity that may mention my name), and so I would not like to irritate the other members to the point of getting revoked... or worse, ignored.
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