Puzzled

A post on a nudist site today got me to thinking, a rare event.

I'm a nudist, meaning I prefer to lounge without clothing.  Clothing at work is essential since the temperature is not optimal.  Clothing while shopping is essential since social norms suggest I don gay apparel.  Clothing while in public view is essential due to current laws.

I'm a social nudist, meaning I enjoy my time with other naked men... sexually or otherwise.  I prefer sexual nudity, but I'm happy just hanging out with other nude men.  Haven't puzzled out why I'm attracted to the activity just yet... working on it.  I could associate nudity with sex and feel a sense of arousal and am denying it.  I could just enjoy the rebellion of the situation and haven't yet made the link in my brain.  Whatever the reason for my enjoyment, I intend to pursue it.

The interesting post mentioned a person's sense of privacy.  That's psychologically a control thing; I want to control knowledge of others about what I consider "private" information.  I tell people my secrets, or choose not to.

I am a nudist who feels no need to announce it.  I consider my nudism a hobby and considering it's eccentric nature consider the activity a private one.  Yet I'm a social nudist.  I intend to get nude this summer in various locals where I can be viewed by others.  Granted, due to the laws, these will be others who have agreed to witness my nudity rather than the general public who have not given such permission.

So I am a hypocrite.  I consider being nude in public a private activity and want to control the spread of that knowledge.  Worse, I've started this public blog discussing this private activity.  I don't necessarily share the address to everyone.  In fact, I've only shared the address with a relative few.  Yet anyone may access, read, and comment on the site.  Anyone can know.

I've yet to divine this hypocrisy and resolve it.  Eventually, surely I will understand my own mind on the issue and alter my behavior accordingly.  Perhaps I'll join the activists in broadening the public's understanding and acceptance of nudity.  Perhaps I'll stop this blog, delete as much as Google will allow, and abandon all public nudity.  Perhaps I'll simply accept my hypocrisy as yet another conundrum of my personality and carry on without resolution.