Ralph Lauren I Am Not

Rather than risk being a pest, I will rewrite this post so that it doesn't focus on my good friend... thus freeing me from the onus of permission.

Stereotypes and bias are a fact of the mind.  One theory of psychology posits the mind contacts stimuli (internal or external) via the senses - including the sixth... which is basically our own internal dialog; identifies it; categorizes it as good, bad, both, or neither; then formulates responses to the stimuli.  Another (with evidence to support it) moves categorization one place before identification in some instances.  These circumstances usually include matters of life and death where the cerebellum is in charge rather than the cerebrum.

All that mumbo-jumbo means is that judgments and bias are a fact of the mind.  We cannot stop categorizing anymore than we could stop breathing.  Prejudice is a fact, actions based on those prejudice are decisions.

This is late in reporting, but last weekend was another visit to the awesome pool parties with my nude friends in Minneapolis.  I enjoy these times with these men more than I could possibly describe here, and if I tried I would probably sound insincere with my tendency to rely on facts and opinions I've already heard to express myself.  I would sound more like a nudist ad campaign than a person attending.

One of the reasons I enjoy the events so much is the seeming absence of these aforementioned judgments.  At no time does anyone seem to be making assessments of my body, desirability, or worth... all things I can do adequately myself should I ever need an ego adjustment.

As since most of us attending are of a certain age, the presence of anyone under such an age draws notice.  A couple of men, obviously committed to a romance, were also present.  Both were beautiful and both were noticed.  I'll have to address ideas of beauty and attractiveness at another time, but suffice it to say that everyone not familiar with these men found ample gossip to get the basics of name, relationship status, and an overview of prevailing opinion towards their personalities.  I heard nary an unkind word about these men... which just made them all the more beautiful.  Again... nicest group of people I know.

Nude, I found each to be in the peak of health and this country's standards of beauty.  Failing to find any rational reason to speak to either of them, lest I appear lecherous, I was unable to pass any further judgements of my own.

What I want to point out here, is after the party wound to a end and most of the younger men decided to leave, I again saw these two clothed for travel... as one should do to abide the neuroses of others and stay within the bounds of law.  Again, I'll have to expound at another time.

Clothing has always been a symbol of status.  Uniqueness of dress being one of the highest regarded after the materials used - or these days the label stitched upon the fabric.  Uniqueness of dress is one phrase I'd use to describe the choices one of the men had toward his attire.

While I've never actually seen an ascot outside of British television, I do believe he was wearing one... or at the very least attempting to mimic wearing one.  Since I've not made any attempts to speak to either men, I cannot say what his motivations might have been for such a daring fashion statement - if, in fact, he was attempting to make one.  However, my judgment I can describe.

It was a hot summer day, everyone around me was comfortably nude in the temperate air, yet this man was wearing a scarf - an item I associate with colder air and an attempt to keep warmth near the skin.  My first judgment upon seeing him in his clothes was one of shock, a violation of expectations.  Shocks are unpleasant, at least in my world.  I am not a fan of haunted houses or truly scary movies and abhor roller-coasters.  I'm a big fan of accurate prediction.

Once I was able to process what I was seeing, my next - and most shameful - judgment was linking the clothing choice to a stereotype.  "Really, Mary's wearing an ascot?"  

Fear not, gentle reader, this was not my most prominent nor final assessment of the man.  Rather I recognized the unkindness and intolerance of my own thinking and chose to accept his clothing as simply an expression of style.  That style needn't my approval nor, for that matter, disapproval.  He simply was dressed as he was dressed.  I would not have chosen to wear anything around my neck - June or February, but he did and I had no place in critique.

I had nearly forgotten the incident until I became frustrated with being unable to post my chosen entry, such was my dismissal of my own prejudice for all things remotely stereotypical... which may be funny to those who know me and recognize my own behavioral tics keeping with many stereotypes, including an encyclopedic memory of the names of Hollywood hunks.

Aside from wanting to place myself near beauty and gaining a neurotic sense of worth from beauty's acceptance, I now am strongly curious as to what the choice in neckwear symbolized and how else the man's personality either adheres or departs from the stereotypes with which I'm familiar.  Hearing a deep rumble erupt from his mouth when I first hear him speak and listen to an obvious fascination with cars or the NFL would be just as fascinating as confirming my stereotypical ideas of a gay man.  Subtlety has most likely found it's way into the grey areas between such extremes and I could likely find myself in love with such a creature... since I do love a challenge.

Offensive Contemplation

The other day I was talking to a co-worker about my trip to Pride over the previous weekend.  As with almost everyone I've ever met who has spent time in the military or prison, he is a very tolerant person with no overt bias about race or sexuality.  So it surprised me when his response to my friend's t-shirt was negative.

The t-shirt in question read, "Sorry girls, I like dicks."  I find this very amusing and am jealous that he wouldn't let me wear it to the parade that day... a topic for another blog.  My co-worker found this shirt to be tacky and referred to wearing it in public as class-less.

As to an explanation he offered a comparison to an opposite point of view: "That's like saying I wore a shirt saying 'Sorry guys, I like pussy' in your bar."

I was taken aback further by the territoriality of this statement.  What he implied, realizing it or not, was that the street on which we were celebrating and protesting was "their" street and we were allowed to use it for the parade.  My bar is where I may choose to be crass, but not in his areas.

One of the big questions facing nudists in the concurrent political and social movement is that of offending others by our choices.  For those who find no sexuality (or little sexuality) to the act of nudity, wrapping one's brain around the concept of taking offense to such behavior is difficult.

I began to think maybe the nature of offense was tied to that of possession and territoriality.  If something happens in "my" space, I pass judgement and have a vested interest in what happens there.  Perhaps it's a control thing, deciding what occurs around me so I feel more comfortable because I feel in control of my environment.

This seemed to be only half the answer as I went about my occupational duties the rest of the day.  Odd for a person who has spent the last twenty-five-odd years dabbling in all things psychology and sociology, I took quite a long time to finally land on an idea that seemed more accurate in describing the conversation I had those many hours earlier.

Offense is taken largely because a pattern is broken.  Our minds are always trying to find patterns around us so that we may safely predict the future.  Everything from our standards of beauty based on symmetry to the structure of a movie is often better to us when we can predict any outcome that may arise - as we can then prepare for it and remain safely in control of our environment.  Anything that lies outside these predictable patterns causes us stress.

This jolt - such as brake-lights of a car in front of you while driving on the highway - grabs our attention.  Our brain begins to suck in any and all information it can through the senses and attempts to find familiar patterns.  The biology of stress is one of the most studied fields in medicine and the list of physiologic responses to stress is long.  Amusement parks and horror filmmakers play to this very response to create a pleasurable sense of excitement.

So back to the idea of offense:  it seems we're actually talking about a stress response to an unexpected stimulus, one which is judged unpleasant upon review in the seconds after.  There are studies showing a person actually makes judgements before identifying that which is being judged, visceral reactions to images of snakes and other dangers to survival, but in the case of nudity we must assume social conditioning.  A person witnesses nudity, reacts to the unexpected, then passes a sociological judgement based on core beliefs meant to ensure social survival.

As a politically active gay man, this is not a new phenomenon to me.  However, as a newbie nudist I spend time pondering effective responses to these reactions.  The Gay Community reacted to police brutality and oppressive hetero-centric laws by rioting at the Stonewall Inn.  Pride month is June as a commemoration to these riots.

I don't see laws and treatment of nudists as being as harsh as 1960's New York was to the Gay Community so I don't recommend any riots at this year's bicycling rallies, however the Gay Community has spent the intervening decades attempting to normalize our behavior through all manner of political and social activity, the idea being that if a pattern becomes familiar less offense will be taken.

Aside from those folks in Westboro, I think society has made progress in the U.S. The Gay Community has changed its message over the years, spun the debate to such a degree that sexuality is no longer about sex but love.  Abortion changed the spin to women's health vs. baby's rights.  Recreational marijuana use spun out a healthy use campaign.

The nudist community must also find a spin that serves them; removes the eccentric aging hippy stereotype from the public image.  These partnerships with the green movement to promote environmentally sustainable bicycling as alternatives to cars only goes short step away from granola munching tree huggers of old.  There must be some other link to the broader public for the nudist community to really begin to attract attention and achieve normalization... but I'm at a loss so far as to what that link is.