It's been several days since wrote. This is not because I had nothing to report, rather the opposite. Incorporating myself into a new group always takes me a while. However, once I do I tend to keep my social calendar as full as possible.
As this was vacation, my grasp on reality began to slip - the finally let go altogether. Days began to blur, mesh, and warp into a sun soaked, alcohol stimulated, sexual adventure that required less and less pragmatism. My attention began to focus on the immediate. If it wasn't for the serving schedule of the buffet table, I would have become a true hedonist.
I lounged by the pool until my skin began to crisp. Only the did I begin to look for another, activity. I ate when food was available. I imbibed when drink was served. And I slept when my body demanded, but never before nor as entertainment.
The nights grew longer as the week went on and last night was no exception. Waking at 7am - for no explainable reason - has left me now at the airport in Philadelphia awaiting my flight with a strong urge to nap. My earliest opportunity will be in another two hours once I'm aboard the plane, though I doubt I will.
As with most events in my life, simple enjoyment without consequence has become impossible. I look for what I've gained or learned during my vacation. Many lessons are obvious and perhaps more will become apparent as time goes by.
The most obvious is that I'm not 20 anymore. My body reacts more now to changes in my diet, sleep, and alcohol intake. My body doesn't like me much right now. It has been protesting my lifestyle choices since Wednesday and will most likely punish me for days to come.
Similarly, there are certain skills one loses when one is single. I beg forgiveness from those men who had the bad fortune of meeting me too late to benefit from the practice to which I diligently adhered when I was but half of one.
Again I open this post for another edit and realize it has been another four days. My diligence lacks immediacy. My apologies.
Upon returning to work, I found my co-workers decided to leave some of the work for my first days back. Going from absolute laziness to being busy in my occupation is an unforgivable offense. Grounds for divorce. Reason to run away from home.
My adjustment back to reality, from the fantasy of being friends with complete strangers to maintaining social boundaries with co-workers - for instance, has been akin to a migraine. My routine at camp was to rise from bed at my leisure , fumble for a cigarette, then step nude into the morning sunshine - which warmed my skin while the crisp air wicked away the sweat from the down blanket. My first morning after vacation nearly had indecent exposure in my long list of public shames.
While at camp I spent many hours in the sun, lounging about and perfecting a tan as best a Polish man can, then diving into a chlorinated pool to rinse away the sweat. Later I would shower with soap and hot water to negate the constant use of deodorant. For eight days the only cloth to touch my skin was an oversized hoodie when the temperature dipped below comfortable. Then I spent many hours fully clothed, unshowered, and limed with perspiration with no real opportunity to get clean. Also, my body was producing extra oils to compensate for my repeated washings. Believe me, it only took a few hours for rebellion to show itself.
Happily, I have gotten emails from two men from camp. Perhaps the fantasy can live on.
No comments:
Post a Comment