Twinkies are not Ding Dongs

I took a friend to a nude pool party.  Normally this would require no further explanation, nor would it be noteworthy to warrant an entry into this journal.  However, this particular friend is unusual in my life as his age is roughly half of mine.  A chronological difference that is immediately striking within the Community and comes with all manner of bias.

I met this man relatively recently, as one would expect as if I were to say years ago you may assume some babysitting duties to have been involved, and we have grown incredibly close incredibly fast to the point of - but not crossing - that of a romantic relationship.  At least that's how I see it though I have embarrassingly little experience with healthy friendships... being the emotional extremist that I am.

To the point:  My pride with this weekend started two-fold - I could introduce this attractive young man to my more aged friends and receive the socially expected "atta-boy" for being anything other than on object of ridicule to someone of such new mint, and I could share with a friend the joy I have gained from indulging in a social-nudist activities.  Both of these points of pride were achieved, and both of my interests in sharing this event with him were treated.

What I found interesting, beyond watching someone I love relish the day and know he will remember the party for a long time to come, was the very bias I had hoped to exploit.  Mildly shameful, I also realized I harbored these very same preconceptions of which I sat accusing my friends.

In this society, we assume - rightly or otherwise - that with age comes wisdom.  While I'm sure I could name a minimum of two Presidents and a handful of evangelists of advanced years to prove this point false, the by-and-large could be said to maintain reason.  The young, even those who've achieved the age of majority, are assumed to be rash, foolish, and under-educated in the real matters of life.  These very stereotypes are a few of the reasons I suggested a naked pool party in the first place; my more pragmatic, logical, and degreed brothers had no interest in such frivolity.

The very questions about our relationship I expected to surface did so with regularity and my answers were scripted during the drive out to Minnesota, though I would have imagined myself highly praised by many if I could have answered with embellishment.

The questions and commentary I was not expecting nor for which I was prepared involved the prejudice against the young.  More than once I corrected my friends when they absentmindedly referred to him as a "kid" and had to subdue my urge to play a protective roll out of some misplaced parental assumption of his ability to socialize effectively with adults.  Even his own assumptions led to mildly daring feats of courage which he accomplished haltingly.

Yet, in watching him deftly handle his own modesty, his own fear, and manage to place himself an equal among peers I was again proud.  In listening him navigate conversation with complete strangers who he knew had unflattering opinions of him I was in awe.  He is a man of knowledge and skill to be able to not only commit to attending the party in the first place, but a man of broadly practiced socialization I could only wish to emulate.  Not once did I hear him falter under the weight of expectations of the wiser nor attempt the humiliatingly ineffective ploy of speaking with greater knowledge than he possessed.

There were moments I was reminded of my own assumptions, there were moments the assumptions of others were laid bare, and there were moments when stereotypes became the brunt of the jokes they actually attempt to hide... and sadly, I reverted to such prejudice during conversations after this education; infantilizing a man I respected as superior mere moments before.

In editing this entry, this friend asked that I amend the post with a defense of his efforts.  I find this unnecessary for several reasons.  One of which is the obviousness of such a defense.  Of course, he is trying to do the right things, be the best he can be, and acknowledges his errors.  I know of only a few people who don't, and they're foolishly unrepentant whilst paying their debts to society.  Willful ignorance and laziness tend to couple with those without many other attractive qualities... namely, being nice to others.

Another reason I find this defense unnecessary is his apparent lack of appreciation for what he has accomplished in his life.  I think back to the days when I was his age and choke on the dismal decisions I made.  I look around my social scene and watch men several years older struggle to grasp the very notions of responsibility and accountability and loyalty and balance.  For he who has not only realized the necessity but planned and executed actions that will lead to a honorable life, I tip my hat... then weep jealously.